I Found God in Myself and I Loved Her Fiercely

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Photo by Pixabay on

I was missing something
a laying on of hands
not a man
laying on
not my mama/holding me tight/saying I’m always gonna be her girl
not a laying on of bosom and womb a laying on of hands
the holiness of myself released

I sat up one nite walking a boarding house screaming/crying/the ghost of another woman who was missing what I was missing
I wanted to jump up outta my bones
& be done with myself
leave me alone
& go on in the wind
it was too much
I fell into a numbness
til the only tree I did see

took me up in her branches
held me in the breeze
made me dawn dew
that chill at daybreak
the sun wrapped me up swinging rose light everywhere
the sky laid over me like a million men
I was cold/I was burning up/a child
& endlessly weaving garments for the moon
with my tears
I found god in myself
& I loved her/I loved her fiercely


—Ntozake Shange

This post is an excerpt from The Woman’s Book of Prayer by Becca Anderson, which can be found at Amazon and Mango Media.

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